If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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