there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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