Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
