I'm really into asian looking animals
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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