We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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