glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
