just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
