i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize