I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My vagina just recognized that song.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize