Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
