I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
