Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
