i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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