I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
