I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
