"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize