I hope mine doesn't look like that
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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