Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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