I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize