oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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