why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
