im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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