Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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