I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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