May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize