Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
