it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
