don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
