I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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