YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
