I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
