where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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