I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
