So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
