Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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