He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
