my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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