I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
