did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
