My brain says no but my pants say off.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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