I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
