I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
