I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
