I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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