I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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