Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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