i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize