there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
