I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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