well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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