I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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