I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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