HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
