Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
