Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
