Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
