Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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