He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
