so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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