I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
