Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
