i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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