my mouth tastes like poor choices
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
