just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
