ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
