Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i would punch a child for taco bell
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
