How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
