ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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